Adult Friendships: Loneliness, Community, and the Courage to Connect

When I began reading more about what many are calling the loneliness epidemic, it helped me put words to a pattern I’ve been noticing in my work with clients. Since the pandemic, many adults report feeling lonelier than ever before, and I’ve also seen an increase in anxiety among my clients, especially when they are in large groups or unfamiliar social settings.

For many people, pulling back from relationships once felt like a form of protection. It made sense at the time; Avoiding hurt, disappointment, or rejection can feel safer in the short term. Over time, though, that same protection can start to feel isolating, making it harder to feel connected or at ease within a community. Around one-third of U.S. adults experience moderate-to-severe loneliness, and this experience is linked with both emotional distress and day-to-day functional challenges.

Humans are wired for connection. Wanting meaningful relationships isn’t a weakness; it’s a basic need. If you’re an adult who finds yourself struggling to build or maintain friendships, you’re not alone. Below are a few gentle ideas to consider as you reflect on your own relationships.

“That feels like too much work.”

Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that friendships should feel effortless. In reality, most meaningful relationships—platonic or romantic—require intention and care.

Building friendships often means investing time, energy, and sometimes even money. It can look like checking in, making plans, or being curious about the needs of the people you care about. Asking questions such as, “What do you need from me right now?” and doing your best to honor the answer can go a long way in deepening connection.

"I don't want everyone in my business." 

Trust grows through vulnerability, but vulnerability doesn’t have to mean oversharing. It simply means allowing yourself to be seen in small, manageable ways.

In a world where information can feel risky to share, many people understandably hold back. I often encourage clients to start small and ask themselves: “What is something I feel comfortable sharing that could help build a connection?” Even small moments of openness can help create safety and trust over time.

“I don’t know where to meet people.”

Meeting new people often requires being in new spaces, but that can feel intimidating. Many of us fall into routines that feel comfortable, even when they’re no longer fulfilling.

If it feels accessible, consider gently challenging yourself to try something new: a class, a group activity, a hobby you’ve been curious about. You don’t have to overhaul your life; small changes can create new opportunities for connection.

All relationships involve give and take. Learning how to build friendships and community while also honoring your own needs, wants, and boundaries is a skill\ and it’s one that can be learned and practiced.

If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or unsure how to build or maintain relationships, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I invite you to CLICK HERE to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to explore how therapy might support you in creating more meaningful connections.